Parenting Your Parent

I have noticed lately that the chief complaint from my clients is regarding their adult children. The kids mean well but they are not asking first. The kids think they are doing the right thing and they may go out of their way to help, but they are not asking their parents what they would like. It is very easy to fall into the trap of role reversal and parenting your parent. No one really wants that situation...the adult children don't like it and the parents don't like it either.
You have to remember that the aging parent is losing control throughout their lives: vision, hearing, driving, memory, etc. They need to have a sense of control in the areas that they can still manage. Whether it is talking about not living alone anymore or not cooking for oneself, the parent must feel like the decision is theirs and that their children are not telling them what to do.
Perhaps the senior is a fall risk and they should not live alone in their house. Instead of telling them that you are going to move them into a beautiful assisted living facility, you should discuss the options that are available. Maybe you and your parent interview a couple of in home care agencies and then let your parent decide which one to go with...of course, you would have already done the leg work. While now she is not alone anymore (which is what you wanted in the first place) , the plan feels like it was the parent's idea and everyone is happy!
Even if you still would like to explore the assisted living idea, make it seem like it is their idea. Ask open ended questions and not yes or no questions. ie: "Would you like to visit A place or B place today?" Just remember that you are still their child and they are still the parent and they deserve that respect even if their health and or mind is failing. It will make for a more pleasant time and a lot less stress, I guarantee it!