The 3 most "germiest" places

I heard a report on the radio the other day about the three most germiest places. If you can't stay away from these places, then wash your hands or use antibacterial gel asap after you visit one of these places.
Number one: the kids playground
Number two: public transit
Number three: the handle on the shopping cart! Use the wipes that stores now provide or start to carry your own. Yechhhhh.
Remember to get your flu shot this year...If you are a current care giver or happen to visit folks in the hospital or senior facility, it is only the right thing to do. It is not only for yourself, but also for all of the other people that you come into contact with throughout the day.
When you are caregiving or under stress, it is easier to catch a cold.
Take care of yourself first, so you can take care of your loved ones!

Experiment

Sometimes we all fall into the trap of parenting our parent. It is stressful and unproductive for all involved. In order to see how it feels to age, try this experiment.
Put some marbles in your shoes and walk around the grocery store. Put some cotton in your ears and nose and experience the feeling of not being able to hear or smell like you once could. Put on some rubber gloves and tape a few fingers together. Try and dial a phone or open the OJ carton and pour a glass and see how frustrating it feels to not be able to do everyday things that used to be so easy.
Hopefully, this experiment will help you have an insight to what your parents may be feeling. You should be able to identify with the loss of control going on in their bodies: a loss of hearing, mobility, and even a feeling of a loss of self worth.
It is so powerful when you realize that you can help empower your mom or dad. Not only will it make them feel better, but your relationship will improve as well. Take the time to ask them their opinion. I'm sure they have some thoughts on the economy! Ask what they did during the Great Depression...maybe we can learn some money saving tips! Ask them child rearing questions or recipe questions. Ask their opinion on a problem you are having at work. It will make your parent feel like they still have something to offer.
Elder care can be tough!
Try not to be the parent to your parent but rather a helping daughter or son who only wants to see their mom or dad feel respected!

Forgotten Cookies

My mom was not known for her cooking or rather known for her good cooking. She is more "infamous" in that area. I was thinking about this because I am about to make her "forgotten" cookies.
A little background....Our family joke is that Mom's recipe for pork chops is this: heat the oven and cook the chops until they curl and then serve with apple sauce to rehydrate! When we were first married, my Mom would invite my husband and I over for dinner . We went once and then every other time Mark would insist on taking her out to a "nice steak" dinner. Mom always that it was just so nice and thoughtful of Mark...little did she know that Mark just couldn't stand her cooking!
There were a couple of things that Mom did do great. One, was my Grandmother's fudge. Everyone loved it and it really was great. She taught my daughter to make it, too.
The other item was her "Forgotten" cookies. These are basic meringues...whipped egg whites and sugar left in the oven over night, hence "Forgotten" cookies. For the last 15 or 20 years, she made a couple batches for every holiday because everyone loved them. When my nephew, who really loved the cookies, went into the Air Force, Mom would make an extra batch for Cathy to send to him. She so enjoyed the feeling of making people happy. She made these cookies with a broken oven but that just didn't seem to matter.
While she was in the hospital this past Thanksgiving, I felt a desire to try and make a batch for the holidays...it just seemed the right thing to do. I looked for her recipes and I found two...both with the same ingredients but with different measurements. I picked the bigger recipe because she always made so much. Boy, did I fail!!! They were either gummy and sticky or the wrong color...yech, they were just awful. I told her what had happened and she gave me some pointers but I think she was happy that she still held the secret to make the best Forgotten cookies.
Just like her, I won't give up....I am going to make them again this week but this time they'll be great! I've learned her secret ingredients: love and patience!

Write Details Down

When you are in the midst and knee deep in care giving, it is so easy to get overwhelmed! A quick tip: write details down! Whether it is on a calendar or loose paper, write dates and other information down. Store it in your Blackberry or on your computer but get the information down. When you or your loved one is ill, it is too difficult to remember the little things that you very well may need at a later date.
My family and I are going through this now. We are having to go back to the hospitals and rehabs to get discharge paperwork for an insurance policy. We noticed that the hospital had missed about 3 weeks of time! I knew the date Mom went into the hospital but I can't recall the date she left the ICU for the main floor and we can't remember the date she went from the LTAC back into the ICU! There were too many trips back and forth to the ICU to recall the specific dates. At the time, we were too upset and distraught with our Mom's condition to keep notes. Looking back, I realize we should have kept a little journal or log to keep this type of information.
It is very easy to get overwhelmed when dealing with eldercare issues. Always write down dates or any other information that can get lost with the passage of time.

Reduce Stress-Start Walking

It has been proven that walking does more than help you lose weight. Here are just a few good reasons from Realage.com to put on your shoes and get out there....

1. Creates a feeling of more energy

2. Improves your perspective-because of the circulation benefit, walking can help clear your head and improve cognitive brain function which can help you deal with a stressful situation.

3. Reduce the impact of disease-walking can reduce cardiovascular disease, decrease osteoarthritis pain, reduce the risk of colon cancer, protect against diabetes, and lower blood pressure.

4. Makes you happier-due to less stress, you can feel happier.

5. It's FREE

Anything that you can do to reduce stress in your life, will make you a better person. You will be a nicer spouse, a more pleasant daughter, and a more productive worker. Of course, less stress will make you a better care giver. It will help give you the strength to continue day after day.
If you don't have time for a full workout, park a little farther away at the grocery store. Walk up and down every aisle at the store whether you need an item or not! Take a 10 minute break and take a brisk walk where ever you are: hospital, at work, it doesn't matter.
Remember: the good effects of walking are accumulative throughout the day. A 10 minute walk, a quick walk with the dog, the few extra steps at the store...it does add up.

Aging IQ Quiz

This is an excerpt from the Aging IQ quiz prepared by the National Institute on Aging to get people more aware and in tune with the senior population.

These are true or false statements...answer in your head before reading the explanation!

1. American families have by and large abandoned their older members.
2. Depression is a serious problem for older people.
3. The numbers of older people are growing.
4. The vast majority of older people are self sufficient.
5. Intelligence declines with age.
6. If a person has been smoking for 30 years, it does no good to quit.
7. Extremes of heat and cold can be particularly dangerous to old people.
8. Snake oil salesman are as common today as they were on the frontier.
9. Personality changes with age, just like hair color or skin texture.
10. Many older people are hurt in accidents that could have been prevented.



1. False. The American family is still the number one caretaker of older adults.
2. True. Depression, loss of self esteem, loneliness, and anxiety can become more common as older people face retirement, the deaths of relatives and friends, and other such crises. Fortunately, depression is treatable.
3. True. Today, 12% of the U.S. population is 65 or older. By 2030, one in five people will be over 65 years of age.
4. True. Only 5% of the older population lives in nursing homes; the rest are basically healthy and self sufficient.
5. False. Intelligence per se does not decline without reason. Most people maintain their intellect or improve as they grow older.
6. False. Stopping smoking at any age not only reduces the risk of cancer and heart disease, it also leads to healthier lungs.
7. True. The body's thermostat tends to function less efficiently with age.
8. True. Medical quackery is a $10 billion business in the U.S. People of all ages are commonly duped into "quick cures" for aging, arthritis, and cancer.
9. False. Personality does not change with age. As we age, we just care less about what others think about us.
10. True. Falls are the most common cause of injuries among the elderly. Good safety habits, including proper lighting, nonskid carpets, and keeping living areas free of obstacles, can help prevent serious accidents.

So, how did you do? Did you learn anything new? Did the quiz help you identify any issues in your own family?

You can find the entire quiz and a whole lot more, on a fabulous caregiver website: www.FamilyCaregiversOnline.net

Parenting Your Parent

I have noticed lately that the chief complaint from my clients is regarding their adult children. The kids mean well but they are not asking first. The kids think they are doing the right thing and they may go out of their way to help, but they are not asking their parents what they would like. It is very easy to fall into the trap of role reversal and parenting your parent. No one really wants that situation...the adult children don't like it and the parents don't like it either.
You have to remember that the aging parent is losing control throughout their lives: vision, hearing, driving, memory, etc. They need to have a sense of control in the areas that they can still manage. Whether it is talking about not living alone anymore or not cooking for oneself, the parent must feel like the decision is theirs and that their children are not telling them what to do.
Perhaps the senior is a fall risk and they should not live alone in their house. Instead of telling them that you are going to move them into a beautiful assisted living facility, you should discuss the options that are available. Maybe you and your parent interview a couple of in home care agencies and then let your parent decide which one to go with...of course, you would have already done the leg work. While now she is not alone anymore (which is what you wanted in the first place) , the plan feels like it was the parent's idea and everyone is happy!
Even if you still would like to explore the assisted living idea, make it seem like it is their idea. Ask open ended questions and not yes or no questions. ie: "Would you like to visit A place or B place today?" Just remember that you are still their child and they are still the parent and they deserve that respect even if their health and or mind is failing. It will make for a more pleasant time and a lot less stress, I guarantee it!

Tips For A Doctor's Appointment

Going on a doctor's appointment can be very stressful as a caregiver or a patient. Plan ahead and discuss issues with your loved one. If the appointment is for yourself, set some time aside and think about your own issues before you step in the exam room.

Here are some tips to help:

Before The Appointment
1. Make a list of all of the symptoms that have been experience or reported. How long do they last and how frequent are they?

2. Make a list of all recent significant illnesses. (Over the past 2-3 years)

3. Make a list of any allergic reactions and sources.

4. Make a list of all drugs that are being used.

5. Make a list of all health care professionals who are providing treatment. (Including any home care professionals)

During The Appointment
6. Write down information about what the problem appears to be. (A description is more important than a diagnostic name)

7. Make a list of any medications that are being prescribed, an explanation of why, and what effect they should have. Ask about the generic form-is it safe and available?

8. Write down information about when to take the meds, how much and how long.

9. Write down information about the side effects of each medication or interaction with foods or other meds.

10. Write down if there needs to be any changes in diet or lifestyle. Take the meds before a meal, after a meal, etc?

11. Make an appointment for a follow up visit or phone check up, not more than one week later. (Medicines can have strange effects on the older patient)

12. Ask the pharmacist to give regular capped bottles, if the senior can be in charge of their own medicines.

13. If there are any advers reactions to the new meds, call the doctor immediately!

It can be overwhelming at the doctor. Plan ahead and take paper. Remember, it is okay to ask the doctor to explain things again and it is okay to ask the doctor to repeat themselves.

Tips For The Family Caregiver

Please remember to take care of yourself. The better you feel, the better care you can give. Here are ten tips to remember. Go to www.familycaregiversonline.com for more ideas.

1. Care giving is a job and respite is your earned right. Reward yourself with respite breaks often.

2. Watch out ofr signs of depression, and don't delay in getting professional help when you need it.

3. When people offer to help, accept the offer and suggest specific things that they can do.

4. Educate yourself about your loved one's condition and how to communicate effectively with doctors.

5. There's a difference between caring and doing. be open to ideas that promote your loved one's independence.

6. Trust your instincts. Most of the time they'll lead you in the right direction.

7. Grieve for your losses, and then allow yourself to dream new dreams.

8. Stand up for your rights as a caregiver and a citizen.

9. Seek support from other caregivers. There is great strength in knowing you are not alone.

10. Caregivers often do a lot lifting, pushing and pulling. Be good to your back.

Remember, it is okay to need a break!

Stess and the Caregiver

It seems that stress is all around us. I was at a luncheon yesterday and the speaker talked about stress and how to handle it. I think that it can help to know that everyone has stress in their lives. You are not unique or alone if you feel very stressed out. The difference for most people is the way they deal with stress. Some people can't handle it and they "take to the bed". They pull their sheets up and ignore everything. That is not really going to work....unless it helps you come to terms with what is going on in your life and you feel better and ready to take on the world. We learned yesterday that it is so important to have an outlet and not internalize the stress. That is when you have real medical problems from the stress. Remember to eat right and get physical exercise.
If you are caring for a loved one in a hospital setting and you are going to be there for several hours, bring some tennis shoes with you. Take 10 minutes and go walk the halls briskly. Do this every hour and that will help relieve some tension.
If you feel trapped in your house caring for another, call a friend for some respite help. If your loved one is in a wheelchair and is up for it, both of you go for a walk and get some fresh air. Care giving, whether for a child or a parent, can be tremendously stressful. You need to find a way to deal with it effectively because your loved one can sense it from you.
There are lots of great tips at www.stress.org
Have a nice Labor Day weekend!

Texas State Fair Fried Balls of Fried on A Stick

We laughed so hard this morning at the breakfast table. I was reading an article about the new foods for the Fair this year in Dallas Morning News. The vendors will offer such items as a fried grilled cheese sandwich, fried banana split, chocolate covered strawberry waffle balls ON A STICK and my favorite: "Fire and Ice".
Here is an excerpt from the article:

"Mr. Gonzales' deep-fried pineapple – the "fire" – is topped with banana-flavored whipped cream that's been frozen in liquid nitrogen – the "ice." The concoction is then covered with syrupy strawberries and served in a waffle cone.

It's safe to eat, and Mr. Gonzales said kids will enjoy a fun side effect: After placing the frozen whipped cream in your mouth, you can blow smoke out of your nose and mouth when you exhale.

It's half tasty treat, half science experiment."

We thought that was the craziest "food" we have every heard of...Glad to hear it is "safe for the kids". Go to the Metro section from 8/28/08 and read all about the fried balls of fried waffle batter covered in sugar and syrup on a stick!!!

I hope everybody who eats these foods also has long term care insurance...they will need it!

We can't wait for the Fair!

Sandwich Generation

As I was surfing the web today, researching for a speech about the "Sandwich Generation", it became apparent that everything out there was negative! Being a part of the "Sandwich Generation" has somehow become a bad thing. All of the articles pointed to the stress involved of being tugged by your kids, being tugged by your parents, being tugged by your job and being tugged by your marriage. Whatever happened to being thankful that you have kids, parents, a job and a marriage? Yes, I know first hand the stresses of caregiving with kids and a husband and a job at home. I also know what fun it is to go to your son's hockey game and your daughter's lacrosse game. I also know how rewarding it can be just sitting quietly and watching Law and Order or Monk with your mother in the hospital. If life becomes too overwhelming and you become too stressed, as it will do from time to time, you need to find a solution to the problem. Do you need to cook less, do you need help with the housework, do you need time to workout, do you need someone else to sit with your mother or aunt...? You must first figure out what you need most and then ask for help. You can ask family or friends or if you are financially able, you can pay for it. You can hire a chef, you can hire an errand runner, you can hire a housekeeper or you can hire a caregiver to help take the burden off of you. That is a foundation of our business....caregiving! If you don't have the time to help out and you do it anyway, things will turn out rotten and stressful. When you have another caregiver go in, it will make the time you spend with your mom or dad much more pleasant. You can't change how the world works but you can change how you see the world!

The Snowcone Theory

I have never really appreciated the snow cone. It melts a little too quickly, then it drips on you and you get sticky. Your tongue and lips become dyed an unnatural color. All for what? A little shaved ice with sugary flavored syrup? I really don’t get it…but my Mom did.

Every summer in August, when we would be experiencing several days of 100 degree weather, the Dallas Morning News would run the annual story on some fantastic snow cone stand in the area. For some reason, they were always 30 miles away from my house. The next day, my mom would call and inform me that she was coming over to pick up the kids and take them to the snow cone stand. They would pile in the car and without fail, 25 minutes after they left; she’d call to say that they were lost. I’d get on the internet, figure out where they were and put them back on course. At least 2-3 hours would go by and they would return with their blue and green tongues, and proceed to tell me that the article was right on the money. The ice was shaved just right and the flavors were delicious….whatever!

This last August was a bit different. Of course, the weather was still unbearable and the paper still ran the obligatory article about the latest and greatest snow cone stand. And, of course, Mom called the next day to take the kids to try it out. But this year my son was busy, so the adventure was going to be with just my daughter. Corie had her driver’s permit this year so she was able to do the driving and mom could concentrate on the navigation. But alas, 25 minutes later I received the phone call to pull up the map and get them back on course. Thank goodness for cell phones! After the .69 snow cone, Mom then took Corie to the new upscale $3.00 cupcake boutique to check that out as well. Upon arrival home, we heard all about the yummy snow cone but overpriced, dry cupcakes.

This trip turned out to be the last time, though. A couple of days later, Mom had an unexpected turn and landed in the hospital. After 9 long months, she passed away in late May. As my brother and I were going through some papers in her desk, we found several yellowed, clipped newspaper articles. She had saved all of the past articles on the snow cone stands…I guess if the paper ever stopped running the August story, she would still know where to take the kids!

The weather is now unbearable, school is on the horizon and so it is time for us to go cool off with a delicious snow cone. For the first time, I’m looking forward to discussing the virtues of various types of shaved ice and syrup with the kids. I can’t wait to have blue lips! I have finally seen what my mom did: it’s not the snow cone that’s important; it’s the time spent getting there together! We all need to realize that life is a voyage to be lived and shared with family and friends.

Birth is a beginning, death a destination and life is a journey.

One Year Ago

Friday, August 29th, will mark the one year anniversary of when my Mother went into the ER. It will also be the three month anniversary of her death. My intention for this blog is to help others who unfortunately are going through the health care maze with their own parents or family members. My family and I have learned a lot about life, hospitals, care giving, the importance of friends and family, lung cancer and a host of other very important topics during the past 8 years. I have not only lived it personally but also professionally. I am the President of Apple Care and Companion, a non medical home care agency located in Dallas. My Mom, a licensed social worker, was the Administrator. We were fortunate enough to have worked together for about 18 wonderful months.