Coping With Caregiving Radio Show

Please check out this internet radio show...Coping With Caregiving. Listen to the archived programs. It offers great advise and you can hear about some very interesting companies that are in business to help caregivers and seniors!
Of course, please listen to my archived interview from May 16th:

http://www.wsradio.com/internet-talk-radio.cfm/shows/Coping-with-Caregiving/archives/date/selected/05-16-2009.html

(You may need to copy and paste the above link)

Waiting List for Assisted Living

Do you know of a senior who can't move into the assisted living facility because they can't sell their house in these tough economic times? It can turn into an unsafe situation rather quickly but in home care can help. Home care agencies can come into their home for several hours a day or more if needed. The caregivers can do all of the tasks that the senior will get when they move into the assisted living facility.
Apple Care and Companion can come in and work on whatever schedule the senior needs until they can sell their house and move into the facility. Our caregivers will help with meal prep and cleanup, bathing and dressing, companionship, transportation, light housekeeping and more. Our caregivers can also help ease the transition of moving from their 30 year old home into the assisted living facility, which can be quite traumatic!
Don't wait to sell the house to get eldercare assistance...call us today!
www.AppleCareAndCompanion.com

Experiment

Sometimes we all fall into the trap of parenting our parent. It is stressful and unproductive for all involved. In order to see how it feels to age, try this experiment.
Put some marbles in your shoes and walk around the grocery store. Put some cotton in your ears and nose and experience the feeling of not being able to hear or smell like you once could. Put on some rubber gloves and tape a few fingers together. Try and dial a phone or open the OJ carton and pour a glass and see how frustrating it feels to not be able to do everyday things that used to be so easy.
Hopefully, this experiment will help you have an insight to what your parents may be feeling. You should be able to identify with the loss of control going on in their bodies: a loss of hearing, mobility, and even a feeling of a loss of self worth.
It is so powerful when you realize that you can help empower your mom or dad. Not only will it make them feel better, but your relationship will improve as well. Take the time to ask them their opinion. I'm sure they have some thoughts on the economy! Ask what they did during the Great Depression...maybe we can learn some money saving tips! Ask them child rearing questions or recipe questions. Ask their opinion on a problem you are having at work. It will make your parent feel like they still have something to offer.
Elder care can be tough!
Try not to be the parent to your parent but rather a helping daughter or son who only wants to see their mom or dad feel respected!

Parenting Your Parent

I have noticed lately that the chief complaint from my clients is regarding their adult children. The kids mean well but they are not asking first. The kids think they are doing the right thing and they may go out of their way to help, but they are not asking their parents what they would like. It is very easy to fall into the trap of role reversal and parenting your parent. No one really wants that situation...the adult children don't like it and the parents don't like it either.
You have to remember that the aging parent is losing control throughout their lives: vision, hearing, driving, memory, etc. They need to have a sense of control in the areas that they can still manage. Whether it is talking about not living alone anymore or not cooking for oneself, the parent must feel like the decision is theirs and that their children are not telling them what to do.
Perhaps the senior is a fall risk and they should not live alone in their house. Instead of telling them that you are going to move them into a beautiful assisted living facility, you should discuss the options that are available. Maybe you and your parent interview a couple of in home care agencies and then let your parent decide which one to go with...of course, you would have already done the leg work. While now she is not alone anymore (which is what you wanted in the first place) , the plan feels like it was the parent's idea and everyone is happy!
Even if you still would like to explore the assisted living idea, make it seem like it is their idea. Ask open ended questions and not yes or no questions. ie: "Would you like to visit A place or B place today?" Just remember that you are still their child and they are still the parent and they deserve that respect even if their health and or mind is failing. It will make for a more pleasant time and a lot less stress, I guarantee it!

Sandwich Generation

As I was surfing the web today, researching for a speech about the "Sandwich Generation", it became apparent that everything out there was negative! Being a part of the "Sandwich Generation" has somehow become a bad thing. All of the articles pointed to the stress involved of being tugged by your kids, being tugged by your parents, being tugged by your job and being tugged by your marriage. Whatever happened to being thankful that you have kids, parents, a job and a marriage? Yes, I know first hand the stresses of caregiving with kids and a husband and a job at home. I also know what fun it is to go to your son's hockey game and your daughter's lacrosse game. I also know how rewarding it can be just sitting quietly and watching Law and Order or Monk with your mother in the hospital. If life becomes too overwhelming and you become too stressed, as it will do from time to time, you need to find a solution to the problem. Do you need to cook less, do you need help with the housework, do you need time to workout, do you need someone else to sit with your mother or aunt...? You must first figure out what you need most and then ask for help. You can ask family or friends or if you are financially able, you can pay for it. You can hire a chef, you can hire an errand runner, you can hire a housekeeper or you can hire a caregiver to help take the burden off of you. That is a foundation of our business....caregiving! If you don't have the time to help out and you do it anyway, things will turn out rotten and stressful. When you have another caregiver go in, it will make the time you spend with your mom or dad much more pleasant. You can't change how the world works but you can change how you see the world!

The Snowcone Theory

I have never really appreciated the snow cone. It melts a little too quickly, then it drips on you and you get sticky. Your tongue and lips become dyed an unnatural color. All for what? A little shaved ice with sugary flavored syrup? I really don’t get it…but my Mom did.

Every summer in August, when we would be experiencing several days of 100 degree weather, the Dallas Morning News would run the annual story on some fantastic snow cone stand in the area. For some reason, they were always 30 miles away from my house. The next day, my mom would call and inform me that she was coming over to pick up the kids and take them to the snow cone stand. They would pile in the car and without fail, 25 minutes after they left; she’d call to say that they were lost. I’d get on the internet, figure out where they were and put them back on course. At least 2-3 hours would go by and they would return with their blue and green tongues, and proceed to tell me that the article was right on the money. The ice was shaved just right and the flavors were delicious….whatever!

This last August was a bit different. Of course, the weather was still unbearable and the paper still ran the obligatory article about the latest and greatest snow cone stand. And, of course, Mom called the next day to take the kids to try it out. But this year my son was busy, so the adventure was going to be with just my daughter. Corie had her driver’s permit this year so she was able to do the driving and mom could concentrate on the navigation. But alas, 25 minutes later I received the phone call to pull up the map and get them back on course. Thank goodness for cell phones! After the .69 snow cone, Mom then took Corie to the new upscale $3.00 cupcake boutique to check that out as well. Upon arrival home, we heard all about the yummy snow cone but overpriced, dry cupcakes.

This trip turned out to be the last time, though. A couple of days later, Mom had an unexpected turn and landed in the hospital. After 9 long months, she passed away in late May. As my brother and I were going through some papers in her desk, we found several yellowed, clipped newspaper articles. She had saved all of the past articles on the snow cone stands…I guess if the paper ever stopped running the August story, she would still know where to take the kids!

The weather is now unbearable, school is on the horizon and so it is time for us to go cool off with a delicious snow cone. For the first time, I’m looking forward to discussing the virtues of various types of shaved ice and syrup with the kids. I can’t wait to have blue lips! I have finally seen what my mom did: it’s not the snow cone that’s important; it’s the time spent getting there together! We all need to realize that life is a voyage to be lived and shared with family and friends.

Birth is a beginning, death a destination and life is a journey.